


Choices

by makinghistory



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz, Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Angst, Everybody Lives, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Larry is still a shit dad, M/M, Pining, Suicidal Thoughts, a bit of OOC, connor plays basketball, evan is in the yearbook committee, except for christine and jeremy, jared isn't actually an asshole, michael is a sad and depressed bean, slowish burn, zoe plays volleyball and guitar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-02
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2018-11-22 13:48:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11381472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makinghistory/pseuds/makinghistory
Summary: Connor Murphy never really got to make choices for himself. They were taken away when he was younger, when he snapped at his sister. His first meltdown. Now it was always Larry making his choices, whether it benefited Connor or didn't.You either go to rehab or I'll take away the door from your room.You either go to school or I'll lock you in your room until dinner.You either join a sport or I take away everything in your room.Now here he is. A senior in high school on the basketball team with his best friend, Micheal. Still fighting with bad anxiety and suicidal thoughts, but he knows Larry could care less. Then he meets Evan Hansen and suddenly Larry's choices don't really matter to him anymore.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy!

Connor groans when he hears his loud phone alarm, he reaches over and hits snooze. He was about to drift back into a sweet thing called sleep until his sister was banging on his door, screeching at the top of her lungs.

"Connor, you can't make me miss morning practice and you can't miss yours either. Wake up!" She continues to pound on his bedroom door and he snaps.

"Shut the fuck up! You shouldn't be fucking screaming at this time in the morning." He yells. The pounding stops.

"You better be ready in fifteen minutes or else I'm leaving without you." He hears her footsteps leave and run down the steps. Connor sighs and buries his face back into his pillow. He tries to close his eyes again but he's already awake from Zoe's rude awakening. He gets up and throws on black skinny jeans, gray hoodie, and gray vans. It's a few weeks into September and it's starting to get colder. He grabs what he needs for morning practice and puts it in his drawstring bag. He grabs his phone and messenger bag before going downstairs. He goes into the kitchen and plops down at the empty chair saved for him. He grabs the cereal and pours it into his bowl then he grabs the milk and finishes it off. His sister was to busy with her phone to notice his presence.

"Good morning, Connor. How was your sleep?" His mom asked, cheerfully. He knows that she doesn't want to be stuck with a son like him, it's pretty fucking obvious that no one wants him here.

"Fine, until Zoe decided to pound the living shit out of my door," Connor remarked.

"Fuck you, Connor." Zoe snapped.

"Hey! Stop it, that will not be tolerated. Apologize to each other right now." His mom demanded. Connor stays silent and continues to eat his cereal. Zoe rolls her eyes and goes to grab the milk carton and gasps in surprise.

"Mom, Connor finished the milk!" She whined.

"Oh, then I'll have to go buy some today." His mom said to herself.

"Connor, did you make three hundred shots yesterday?" Larry asked, mostly just paying attention to his newspaper.

"I only did like two hundred and thirty, since I had extra homework." Connor explained.

"Connor," Larry starts. "You promised to make three hundred shots everyday when you come home."

"Promises are meant to be broken at least once." Connor protested.

"Don't be a smartass." Zoe sneered. Connor was about to tell her off before Larry interrupted.

"No, it's okay. Being smart should get him something in life. Like I don't know a girlfriend?" Larry said. Connor dreaded the girlfriend talk, it started at the beginning of the year since Connor hasn't dated anyone since Freshman year. He is also hella gay but Larry would disown him immediately, so he keeps quiet about that part.

"Maybe because I don't want a girlfriend. I have enough things to worry about, having a whiny bitch would just make my days worse."

"Not all girls are whiny, Connor." Larry argues.

"The girls from the cheerleading squad. You only want me to date girls in that are cheerleaders, but they're all whiny and annoying. They try so hard to get boys to sleep with them, hell some of them probably already contracted AIDS."

"Connor!" Cythina gasped. "There is no need to say that. I'm pretty sure if they're having...sex, they would at least use protection."

Connor raises his eyebrows, "sure." Zoe gets up from her chair and grab her bag.

"Come on, Connor. We can't be late to practice. My coach is gonna kill me and you're my only ride. Let's go, now." She demands.

Connor groans and grab his bags. He hates that Zoe's car broke down because she forces Connor to drive him everywhere. He follows her without another word to his parents, it's chilly outside and Connor regrets not starting his car to let it heat up. He unlocks the car and throws his bags in the back seat, before getting in. He watches as his sister sits her stuff in the back and get in the front next to him. He puts the keys in ignition and enjoys the purring sound of his car. He pulls out of the driveway and his sister switches the radio.

"This is my fucking car, so can you not change the radio?" Connor snaps, switching back the station that was on. Zoe ignores him and changes the radio station again. Connor grips the steering wheel in frustration and takes a deep breath. The ride to school is only ten minutes. Only ten minutes of Connor dealing with this pop garbage people call music.

/-/-//-/-/

Connor enters the gym and most of the team is already there, except for Michael. The coach is talking on the phone and Connor can tell that he's annoyed. Connor goes to the locker room and changes into his uniform, which is a light blue and white. With the number sixteen on it in big white block letters on the front with Oaks in big letters above the sixteen. His last name is on the back along with his number. He picked the number because Zoe was born on the sixteenth of December, and he would always look forward to December 16th. He can't say that he looks forward to her special day anymore. Once he's done changing he puts his bags into his locker. He hears footsteps coming into the locker room and he smiles when he sees Michael with his big white headphones and large slushee. His glasses handing off his face a bit and his dark hair messy but it still looks good. Connor loves Michael, he met him in middle school. The time Larry forced Connor to try out for a sport, Michael was the one who helped him with tryouts. He also is Connor's best friend, whenever he is in need Michael is there.

"Hey, man! You wouldn't believe what happened to me this morning." Michael starts, setting down his bag down next to Connor.

"Let me guess...the lady at Seven Eleven gave you another generous pour?" Connor says, grabbing a black hair tie from his bag pocket.

"No! Even better, she gave it to me completely free! She told me that I reminded her of a boyfriend that she had in high school. She told me to freeze my brain if life becomes too much! Isn't that cool?" Michael basically jumping for joy. That's a part Connor likes about Michael, he always is so easily excited by the smallest things.

"Yeah, that sounds really good." Michael pouts.

"Can you at least sound excited for me?" Michael whines.

"Omg, that is so fucking amazing!!"

"I know right!" Michael exclaims. Connor laughs and ties his hair into a messy bun. Michael sets down his slushee and takes off his headphones. He starts changing into his uniform, the number on his is two because he's always second player when they play video games.

"You seem a bit down," Michael says.

"What makes you say that?" Connor asks, leaning down to tie his shoes.

"You're like my second best friend-"

"Who's the first?" Connor questions.

"Jeremy, duh."

"Oh."

"Anyway, you're still a best friend of mine. So as a good friend, I must have the ability to tell if something is wrong."

"Well, Larry is starting to question why I don't have a girlfriend. I don't know what I would do if he found out the truth! He would probably send me to some camp insisting that it's a disease."

"It's okay, Connor. It's the twenty first century, your old man will come around."

"What if he doesn't? You know Larry. I-I might have to stop hanging out with you! Larry notices the pride flag sewn onto your red hoodie." Connor really starts to panic. He wouldn't know what to do if his best and only friend couldn't talk to him anymore.

"Hey, man. You're overthinking it, just calm down and relax. Let's get stoned in my basement tonight, okay?"

"Yeah, that sounds good."

"Great! I just got a fresh supply and it's pretty rad."

"Okay, I'll meet you at the apple orchard at 3:00."

"See you then, buddy." A sharp whistle fills the air and then the bouncing of balls and squeaky sneakers. Connor gets up and follows Michael out of the locker room. Once they get out there, Coach Ram throws them a basketball. It stops at their feet and Michael picks them both up. He tries to hand one to Connor but he doesn't take it. Connor dreads morning practices because the coach goes so hard on them.

"You look like ass, now let me see that Connor Murphy smile." Connor frown deepens and Michael gives him a look, which make both of the friends laugh.

"There we go! Now come on, let's go." Connor let's out a sigh and starts to dribble his ball, maybe today will be a good day.


	2. Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this chapter!

"See you in history," Michael says. Connor nods before heading to the direction of his first period. English is his favorite class because he likes reading and writing. He arrives a bit early and sees a few kids in the class, two people catches his eye. Jeremy Heere and Christina Canigula. He doesn't really like Jeremy since he broke Michael's heart. They dated all of middle school until Jeremy decided to break up with him and go to Christine Canigula. He also abandoned him in freshman year to become popular and I was the one who took his place and comforted Michael through his panic attacks. They became friends again after freshman year, but I'm still worried about Michael. He was really heartbroken and now they're friends again the year after. Michael might call Jeremy his number one best friend but he still calls Connor when he's facing panic attacks and anxiety. I sit in the seat across from them and Christine smiles brightly.

"Hey Connor, how are you?" Christine asks.

"I'm doin-"

"That's great! Now let me tell you, the best thing just happened to me! The school is gonna do a play and I'm signing up. I already know I'm gonna get the lead! I can't wait for play rehearsal. I really love play rehearsal, it's just so much fun playing as a different character." Christine pauses, "why am I telling this to you?"

I'm asking myself the same thing, Connor thinks.

She shrugs, "guess there's a part of me that wants too." Connor doesn't mind Christine's little outburst since she has a touch of ADD. Connor decides to draw in his notebook as he waits. He phone vibrates and he sees who  
It is. It's from Michael.

Mikey: im soooooo bored and i need someone  
to talk tooooooo

Connor: u just saw meeeeeeeeee

Mikey: im a clingy bitch, daddy ;D

Connor: never call me daddy

Mikey: but daddy D:

Connor: im not gonna text u anymore

Mikey: fineeeeee ur no fun but i just got in math class and i already want to leave

Connor: i can relate

Mikey: im not gonna need fucking algebra if im gonna be a loser my whole life

Connor: ur not gonna be a loser, u will be my player number 2

Mikey: and u will be my player number 3

Connor clenches his fist, knowing that Jeremy is player one but they barely talk anymore. Connor is the only one who's ever there for Michael anymore.

Connor: yup gg c u at lunch

Mikey: bai

Connor turns off his phone and puts it in his messenger bag. More kids walk in the class and a bot in a polo shirt with a camera hanging around his neck caches his attention. His heart starts beating fast, how has he never met or seen this kid before? There's something innocent about him. His hair is a sandy blonde, his eyes are a clear blue, and his posture gives him an innocent look. Connor watches as the kid walk to the back of class, sitting the row Connor is sitting in. He turns and look at the boy, adoring how he plays with his camera. Eventually the boy looks up, and Connor turns around fast enough to give himself whiplash. His face is blushing and his palms sweaty. What is this feeling so sudden and new? Connor asks himself. The bell shrieks fill the loud classroom, Miss Reyes steps in and tells everyone to settle down. Miss Reyes is Connor's favorite teacher, not just because she's young and not married. It's because she's kind and has patience, Connor is thankful for that because sometimes he can be a shit in her class. But only she understands that and it makes Connor feel good that he has someone to talk too.

"Okay, kids! I have an announcement, today we will be starting a project." Everyone groans in sync.

"But I'm letting you pick a partner!" She adds. Everyone immediately starts calling out to Connor, they only want to use him since they know he's on the basketball team. Well that's how high school is, manipulate your way up to the top.

"I'm picking partners now," Miss Reyes announces. Everyone groans and complains.

"You guys can't do it yourselves like there is a bunch of other people here, than Connor Murphy." Miss Reyes hands out papers that has a rubric and Connor eyes widen when he notices that it's 120 points.

"Now I will pick partners. Jeremy and Brooke." Connor winces when he hears those names, Jeremy and Brooke have a rough path. He only used her to become more popular and broke up with her and her best friend to go with Christine. Pretty fucked up.

"Christine and Rich."

"Heather and Jason."

"Alexander and Thomas."

"Eliza and Angelica."

"Hercules and Peggy."

"Evan and Connor." Connor stops listening to the rest of the names and look for Evan. He feels a light tap on his shoulder and looks back to see the sandy colored hair boy.

"I-I'm...uh Evan?" Connor just eyed Evan, he didn't even sound sure of his own name.

"I'm Connor."

"O-oh, I know." His cheeks turn into a bright pink, "that sounds creepy. I mean like...I'm in two of your other classes and I'm...in the yearbook committee. So...um it's kind of like my...job? To k-know all of the students, who attend h-here." Connor looks at the black camera hanging around his neck by a black strap.

"Is that why you have that camera?"

"Oh...um, yeah i-it is." Connor notices that Evan fiddles with the hem of his shirt when he talks and he doesn't make good eye contact.

"If you need some pictures, the basketball team has practice after school. You can get some pictures there." Evan's face lights up with interest.

"T-thanks! I'll...uh be there."

"Okay, class. Now that you have your partners I'll share the assignment. Write a story about a protagonist and antagonist, make sure to show each of their perspectives. It can be meaningful or humorous. This will be due in two weeks, on October 18th. If they're good enough I'll read some of them to the class! But don't worry I won't reveal the names. Make sure to include pictures because they symbolize the characters. The requirements are each character must have a name, they must live in the same setting, they must have three pictures to symbolize them. They can be related, close friends, enemies! I don't care just make it interesting. And I expect four to six paragraphs of their story."

"I can do twenty!" Alexander brags. Miss Reyes chuckles. "You can do as many as you want. Just make sure they tell a story. For the last ten minutes of class, you guys can get with your partners and start brainstorming."

Evan switches seats and sits next to Connor. "I have a few ideas," Connor starts.

"I'm listening." Evan replies.

"There's this boy and he has a...mental illness. He discovered it when he was younger and he attacked his sister, ever since then his family treated him differently. His father starts making all the decisions for him. The antagonist can be his dad, unless you have a different idea." Evan just stares, curiosity present his eyes.

"Is there something wrong?"

"Um…no, I was just- I was just wondering if it's, um, from a personal view or something."

"I guess you can say that." Connor notices everyone grabbing their belongings.

"The period e-ends in...two minutes."

"Oh, okay. I'll see you after school then. We have practice in the gym, by the way."

"Okay…um, see you then, I guess." The bell shrieks and waves at Evan before leaving. Connor now couldn't wait for practice after school.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got feedback last chapter and it made me really happy. I hoped you enjoyed this chapter! Kudos and comments make me post faster.
> 
> also all of my musical lovers will understand all the references


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the super late upload!

The next period goes pretty fast for Connor and now he has history, which is with Michael. He is sitting in his seat that is almost in the back, as usual. Connor takes his seat next to him and notices that Michael looks upset about something.

"Hey, Mike, what's wrong you look bluer than a blue raspberry slushee," Connor asks.

"Okay, so, in math class. I found out that we had this test and I didn't even fucking study! You shouldn't really be surprised though. Anyway, the evil teacher pulled me aside and told me something worse than death!" Connor rolls his eyes, it can't be that bad. It's probably extra homework or a few after-school detentions.

"She said that I would have to stop playing basketball if I didn't raise my math grade!" Michael cries. Connor's eyes widen, guess it is really bad.

"I don't know what to do! She said I should get a tutor and she assigned me one without my permission, I might add. Then she didn't even tell me they're the name and now I have to wait until Thursday...I'm doomed!"

"It's gonna be okay, Michael. I'll even help you if you like."

"You're more shitty at math than me!" He wails.

Connor laughs, "I know. I only do my work and if it's a really big grade and somehow I'm okay."

"I just don't understand," Michael whines, laying his head on the desk making his glasses askew on his face.

"What? Pythagorean Theorem?"

"That, and the fact I have to learn this shit. My old man said that he didn't need algebra at all in his lifetime on Earth. What if I get stranded in the middle of nowhere with no food and water! School should teach me how to survive shit like that, not 'find what equals x'."

"It's gonna be okay, Michael. I'm here if you need anything." Connor assures.

Michael smiles and looks up at Connor, "thanks, man, now tell me why you look so happy about something like you're...lovestruck!" Michael chuckles but becomes deadly serious when he notices the blush on Connor's cheeks. He sits up with such a speed that his glasses fly off his face.

"Tell me who! Now!" Michael demands, loudly. Which sends a few concerned glances to the back of the classroom. Before Connor could say anything the loud shriek of the bell interrupts him.

"Okay, class. Time for attendance!" Mr. Washington announced.

"What? No?!" Michael exclaims and Connor chuckles at his outburst. As attendance goes on, Michael searches blindly on the floor for his glasses. Connor holds in his laugh because he grabbed them when they fell. They weren't damaged though, so that's good. He hears Michael groans with frustration, Connor quickly placed the glasses on the desk, before Michael sat down at his desk.

"I can't believe I lost my vision," Michael whines. He feels his hand touch something and grabs it, and he feels the object before realizing they're his glasses.

He puts on his glasses with a victory cry, "I regained my vision!" The class looks back at Michael and Connor holds in his laughter.

"Uh...Michael Mell?" Mr. Washington questioned.

"I'm fucking here, bitches! Better than ever!"

"What drugs are you on?" A random student asked.

"Only the good ones, sweetheart." Michael winks. Mr. Washington shook his head and continued with attendance.

"Okay...Connor Murphy?"

"Here," Connor says.

"At least, there's one normal person in this class." Washington sighs.

"I'm normal, Mr. Wash!" Alex argues.

"Son, you're anything-"

"Notcha' son." Alex interrupts. Mr. Washington shook his head and continued with attendance.

/-/-//-/-/

History class was the same. Two of the same people debating politics as everyone else took notes from the text. But instead of taking notes, Michael endlessly harassed Connor begging him to tell him who his crush is. Connor denied it with flushed cheeks, but Michael was nonstop. Connor thinks that Michael is a pest, but the lovable kind who is fun to be around. Not like ants or mosquitoes. Like parents, well not all parents are fun, most are pest, but some are fun. Connor knows that his father is the biggest pest known to exist, but no bug spray can get rid of him.

"Fine, don't tell me! But at least give me hints." Michael begs.

"He's shy," Conner says. Michael blinks at him a few times, letting what Connor said sink in.

"Bitch! That's not helpful, tell me what he looks like!"

"He has blonde hair and he's cute. You might see him later today, okay? Just try not to scare him away."

"I won't, promise. Also what you said just rhymed."

"I'm a poet and I didn't even know it." Connor jokes.

{afterschool...}

Connor sits on the bleachers, anxiously waiting for Evan, as Michael played Alpaca World on his phone.

"Practice is gonna start soon and he's not here yet!"

"My alpaca just leveled up, Connor!" Michael exclaims, shoving his phone in his face to show him.

"I don't care about that right now! Evan isn't here yet." Connor bit the inside of his cheek hard for saying his name. Michael eyes widen in excitement and turns off his phone mid-game.

"That's his name! I can't wait to actually see him. Is he bringing any friends?"

Connor shrugs, "I don't know. I was hoping he would come by himself."

Michael slapped Connor's shoulder and wrapped his arm around. 

"I hope he's bringing someone else so Mikey Mell can get some." Connor rolled his eyes and shouldered Michael's arm off of him.

"I don't know if he has any other friends, but I saw him in the hallway with Jared Kleinman. I hate that asshole if Evan is bringing someone then that's who you're getting with. Good luck." Connor pats his shoulder. Two boys walk into the gym, one is timid with a camera hanging around his neck. The boy next to him is absolutely breathtaking and Michael just stares. The boy with the camera and Mr. Perfect approached them. Connor smiled smugly at Michael before going to talk to Evan. Michael continues to stare at perfection and he gives Michael a weird look.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" He snaps. Michael continues to stare at perfection. His hair short and the color of chocolate, his eyes are blue and one of them has a section of brown. He's a bit shorter than him and his lips look so kissable.

"Hey, freak! Is there something wrong?"

"Uh...nothing, s-sorry. I'm Michael. Michael Mell and who are you?"

"I'm Jared Kleinmann."

"A perfect name for a perfect face."

Jared can feel his cheeks heating up. "Um...what the fuck are you on? Connor, I didn't know the whole basketball team did drugs."

"They don't. It's just Michael and me." Jared nods before looking at Michael, then his eyes widen.

"Michael Mell?"

"Yes~"

"I'm your math tutor." Michael does a little victory dance in his head.

"That's great! I'm an epic fail when it comes to math and basically everything else, besides video games." Jared nods, obviously bored with the conversation. Michael is still head over heels, even if Jared is being rude. The sharp whistle blows through the air, grabbing everyone's attention.

"Okay, boys! Time for suicides." The coach announces. Connor and Michael groan with the rest of the basketball before running around the gym. This is gonna be a long practice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicide in sports is when everyone has to run a certain amount of laps, but if a person is going slow, then everyone needs to keep running laps until they catch up. (Reminder: I'm not a reliable sporty person. I'm writing fanfiction right now, obviously, I don't play sports. Anyways, my friend told me what they were a long time ago, so sorry if this is incorrect.)
> 
> I hope I didn't make Michael so obnoxious, but this is how I picture him. Expect more weekly updates, but sorry if I can't keep my promise. I have school, physical therapy, and I'm participating in nanowrimo. So im like a busy bee.
> 
> but maybe if you guys comments and leave kudos, the updates would come faster.


	4. Author’s Note

I will be discontinuing this story for a while because I’m deleting this account and making a brand new one.

I've been on this account for the longest time and I’ve grown so much since then fandoms and writing wise and I think that I should leave this account to a better one.

You’re probably asking why? There’s no point.

Here are my reasons:

1\. My writing has improved and I want to show that on my new account

2\. I want a new clean slate (new year, new me sort of)

3\. I had this account since late 7th grade and I’m in 9th now

I know there’s not a bunch but just go with me here. I promise that I will finish this story since I have great ideas for it but it’s gonna be on my new account.

Either that or I can delete everything on this account, change my name, and then post again.

Thanks so much for taking the time to read this and I hope you understand!!


	5. Good News

My new username will be -curiosity named after my Wattpad account. I have to wait until the 12th to create a new account. I could do that or should I just rename this one and delete everything?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first DEH and BMC fanfic, so I hoped you enjoyed it so far. Kudos and comments make my day!
> 
> Follow me on [Tumblr](https://majestic-emo.tumblr.com/)


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